CyberBlast - Dynamite New Product

Protects Against 100% of Cyberattacks via InstantAirgap™ Tech

Cybereason Launches CyberBlast

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------  PRESS RELEASE  ------
Cybereason Launches CyberBlast - a Revolutionary New Military-Grade, Artificial Intelligence, Machine Learning, Big Data, Nation-State Stopping Cybersecurity Product 
CyberBlast Protects Against 100 Percent of Cyberattacks via InstantAirgap™ Technology 
Boston, March 29, 2017 - Cybereason, developers of the most effective Total Endpoint Protection Platform including EDR & Next-Gen AV & Advanced Monitoring Services & Incident Response & Threat Intel & other products named for search engine optimization purposes, today announced the launch of CyberBlast, the cybersecurity industry’s first, Fool-proof product set to literally blow up the cybersecurity market.
In keeping with industry standards for cybersecurity product launches, CyberBlast ships on April 1 or maybe in Q3 when most of the bugs are fixed. Expect real delivery in Q4 or later.
CyberBlast is a set of small explosive charges linked to a detonator via an encrypted wireless signal.  You attach the charges to every ethernet cable in your datacenter, office, and even home.  In case of cyberattack, you hit the detonator button, the explosives do their thing and BOOM - you instantly and have an airgap around all of your machines and the cyberattack is stopped cold.
Cybereason’s trademark and patent pending InstantAirgap™ technology was inspired from the military backgrounds of the company’s key technologists, the Israeli 8200 intelligence unit as well as the CIA and NSA.  Lior Div, Cybereason’s co-founder and CEO, who is often called the ‘Israeli James Bond’ said “while on a mission installing listening equipment on a cell tower in a foreign country, our team was attacked with mortars, which shredded the cables on our equipment, instantly killing our communications link. That gave me the idea for CyberBlast.  Of course I first had to use my bare hands to neutralize the 18 enemy soldiers attacking us, but then I wrote it down because it was a good idea for a startup.”
“We all know the best protection against cyberattacks it to pull all the ethernet cables out of all of your servers and computers and routers. Most IT closets have an ‘in case of cyber attack break glass and unplug cables’ poster on the wall for good reason,” said Fulla Hottaire, senior analyst at Forest and Garden Research. “We rate this new product as Dynamite.”
“I love this new product. It’s the bomb!” said Imma Stressed, CISO at Fortune 501, Inc. “The fastest human can only pull out 1.2 cables per second and our office has thousands of ethernet cables. This leaves you vulnerable to cyberattacks for precious minutes, but not with CyberBlast!”
About Cybereason: 
Cybereason is the leader in endpoint protection, offering endpoint detection and response, next-generation antivirus, and managed monitoring services powered by paradigm-shifting, military-grade technology leveraging artificial intelligence and machine learning. Holy crap we got all the buzzwords into one sentence! We doubt that anyone actually reads the boilerplate in press releases, nevermind the press release itself. We could put pretty much anything in here, like say that if you buy our product we will send you delicious cupcakes or let you throw a pie at our head of sales. Actually, even though this announcement is a joke, we probably would send you cupcakes to a customer who asked us. Heck, if your contract is big enough I bet the sales rep would take a pie to the face as well. Cybereason is privately held and headquartered in Boston with offices in London, Tel Aviv, and Tokyo.
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